Walking in the rain
by moonlight64
Summary: The voices in her head whispered Jane's last words, her heart screamed his name and her mind that told her that everything was her fault. She had ruined their friendship and with that, she had destroyed her life. She had ignored her biggest wish and shut out everything that kept her alive - all because she was scared o the most obvious thing in the world; her feelings for for him.
1. Chapter 1

"I don't understand why you won't you go out with me?" said Jane.  
"Because." Said Lisbon.  
"Because – isn't not a good enough answer. Why are you shutting me out like this? I thought we had fun the other night". Jane was confused and hurt by Lisbon's coldness to him.  
They had been working a job together the other night. It was a dinner party… they hadn't meant to, but they had sort of gone together as each other's 'dates'. Lisbon had looked beautiful in her dark long gown… Jane of course was his charming self.  
'Sure they had had fun,' thought Lisbon… maybe too much fun. The had danced together. Lisbon couldn't get rid of the butterflies that she had felt when he held her close or the way her heart fluttered when he looked at her. She had let her guard down that night, she hadn't meant to show Jane how much she felt for him. But now the wall was back up. She was shutting him out.  
"You're shutting me out because you're scared," said Jane.  
"Scared? Scare of what!" asked Lisbon.  
"I don't know – you tell me?" snapped Jane.  
Lisbon didn't know how to respond. Why was she scared? Jane had proven himself to be a faithful friend… he seemed to be the only one she really trusted. So why? Why was she shutting him out?  
"Jane – I – " she was interrupted by Cho. He needed some papers signed. Jane looked at her and held her glance for a few seconds and left the room. Lisbon finished signing the paperwork and was about to go talk to him when her phone rang. She was then busy for the next few hours with phone calls and paperwork. It was late before she had the chance to find Jane. He was in his loft room throwing a bouncy ball up at the ceiling.  
"Jane?"  
"I'm busy…" he replied flatly.  
"Jane, I'm sorry…"  
He sat up…"I'm listening…"  
"I'm sorry Jane, it's just… maybe I'm not ready for a relationship right now…"  
Jane stood up. "I think you know me well enough be now Teresa… you and I get along great. I believe - I know - we'd make it work. But every time I try to get close to you, you push me away. You say, maybe you're not ready for a relationship right now, but I wonder if you're not ready now, will you ever be?"  
"Jane…" begged Lisbon.  
"Forget it Lisbon, it's your life. You can choose to live it however you want."  
He grabbed his coat. "Goodnight" And he walked out the door.  
"Fine! Go, LEAVE! See if I care!" she yelled after him. He kept walking and didn't even turn back leaving Lisbon alone in his loft. But the truth was she did care. More than she even wanted to admit and perhaps that was her fear, that she did cared for him, that she loved him.


	2. Chapter 2

Alone in the loft, she felt terrible and lonely. What the hell has she just done?!

She headed downstairs and earned wondering looks from Van Pelt, who was leaving the bureau.

" Everything's fine! " Lisbon yelled with a shaky voice and ran into her office.

Again and again she pinched herself, hoping that it would make things better.

Her whole body burned like fire and she couldn't think strait. Actually she wasn't thinking at all, her mind was empty and in her heart was a big hole. She headed towards the stairs, not even thinking about using the elevator. Leaving her bag, her keys and even her jacket in her office. The only thing she could do was walking away, trying to leave everything behind her;

The quiet voices in her head whispered Jane's last words again and again, her heart screamed his name and her mind that told her that everything was her fault. She had ruined their friendship and with that, she had destroyed her whole life. She had ignored her biggest wish and shut out everything that kept her alive - all because she was scared! Scared of the most obvious thing in the world, her undeniable feelings for Jane.  
When she stepped out of the building, rain whipped into her face. It was a cold night and Lisbon was only wearing a light shirt, but Lisbon didn't notice the cold or rain. She was numb to it. After a few steps she started to run. She didn't know where she was going and she didn't care. She only ran into the darkness and tears flowed steadily from her eyes.  
It felt good to let herself cry; it took a bit of the pain away. Somehow she hoped that the rain would stop the unbeatable fire burning in her heart. But when she was honest with herself, she knew that this fire would never end. It would soon slowly burn her up until she was only a touch of nothing.  
That fire was the worst thing that could ever happen to her but she knew in the darkest corners of her mind that she was addicted to it. There was only one way to stop it. Maybe the most difficult thing on earth, but maybe also the easiest. Suddenly something cut into her arm.  
She suddenly snapped out of her daze, she hadn't noticed were she was running, but now she was standing in the middle of a small forest. Slowly blood dripped down her arm, but she didn't care. ' Scream' she thought ' scream'. Unable to think about anything and she kept running to nowhere, she was still crying relentless.  
She closed her eyes, because the salty mix of the rain and her tears burned in her eyes, but instantly opened them again; if she only closed her eyes for two seconds she saw glimpses him.  
Suddenly she stumbled; she had tripped over a tree branch lying on the ground. She fell down and landed hardly on the muddy ground. More physical pain ran through her whole body and she wasn't sure she would get through this. ' Scream..' it shot through her mind again. She really had tried not to, but obviously it didn't work and she let out a loud, painful scream. It doesn't matter if anybody heard her, it doesn't matter any longer.  
She had never let herself freak out like that, she had always hidden every emotion behind her cold, bossy mask. She had built up this kind of loneliness and she had gotten lost in it… now it was hard to find her way out. She didn't want to be lonely anymore. She wanted to be with Jane. But at the thought of him she begun to cry even more; she had destroyed everything! The voices in her head went louder and louder and the fire was still burning inside of her. She couldn't let it go on like this! She stood up, a bit to quickly and stumbled again, but didn't fall this time. Shivering heavily, she started running again. It seemed like her feet exactly knew where she was going, but this massage didn't reach her head. When she reached the street, she lowed down. She couldn't go on running, because her feet were hurting that much and she was completely exhausted. She felt like she would die the very next moment. Terrified she walked down the street although she couldn't see anything. Suddenly she realized that she was standing in front of Jane's apartment. She knocked and soon Jane opened.

" H-hey, J-jane…" She shivered.

" Lisbon! Teresa… What are you doing here that late? You look horrible! " Jane said worried.

" O-oh, I'm s-sorry…" She answered as suddenly her knees got weak and she fell down in front of his feet.


	3. Chapter 3

Jane pulled her into his arms and carried her into his apartment.

" S-sorry, Jane …" Lisbon whispered.

" Please don't be sorry! How long have you been outside? You're totally wet! " He asked seriously worried.

" I-I don't know…I'll t-tell you e-everything later! " She said. Carefully he sat her down on his couch and got her some dry clothes. " Here; put that on, please!" He said quietly.

She stood up and went into the bath room.

When she came out again, he was sitting on the couch with two cups in front of him.

She sat down next to him, still shivering.

" Drink that. It gives you warmth! " He handed her one cup.

" Thank you. " She smiled. After the first few sips, she felt a lot better.

" So now tell me what happened, please. " He begged.

" I'm so sorry… I came here to apologize for everything!" Tears started filling her eyes again." After you left, I realized that you were right. And that I can't live without you.

But it was too late…" She whispered and does something, she had never before; she told him everything what happened in the last few hours. Even everything she felt. Shocked he listened to her opening up to him like this.

" Finally I thought that even if I destroyed everything, I should come and ask you to forgive me! I only could hope… Hope that you still love me, because I do. I love you so much! " She cried. Instantly he took her in his arms again, comforting her.

" Damn! You silly little Teresa… How could you ever think that I won't love you! Why the hell had you to ran through the rain all night! If you wouldn't have come to mine, you probably would be laying somewhere on a street! " He breathed with a mixture of worry, happiness and relief in his voice.

When he listened to her slow breath, he smiled. She had fallen asleep in his arms.

Carefully he laid her onto his lap and stroke her head lovingly.

She sighted and curled up as close as possible to him. Some time later he wrapped his arms around her sleeping body and carried her into his bedroom. She couldn't sleep on the couch like him! Especially not when she needed to sleep that much.

Around 5 am she woke up and looked around panicking until she saw Jane sitting next to her.

" Shhhh… I'm here! " He said softly and hugged her tightly. " What's the problem? "

" Only a nightmare. " She whispered, glad that she was not alone. " I'm better now, thanks. "

" Ok… Now try to sleep again. " He smiled.

" No, I can't. " She answered. Confused he looked at her and saw that her eyes were sparkling. " At least not now…" She whispered and kissed him passionately.

Both were shocked by how wonderful it felt.

" I think I'm going to sleep a lot better now! " She breathed and laid her head down on his chest.

" I'm sure you will. " He answered and she closed her eyes again. " Remember: I love you and nothing's ever going to change that."


End file.
